Friends?

I feel as if i have no one to talk to now days... lucky enough that i have my girls... it's just... they have lives of there own... and i don't like... i guess disturbing them.
I feel rude because whatever i have to say is something they mighnt say it's stupid to cry over about. LOL

Well to the days... i've been a tad bit emo! maybe because schools over and i have nothing to do now days. Cept talk to other people... though i don't trust them?
Like for instant... Theres this girl... who invited me to her party this weekend... and people that don't really like me.... But i miss some people that are there? I guess i was wanting to be selfish and meet new people...Since i was just trying to get my mind off things... get my mind of people that once promised that they would stay, now that there gone, i'm left with guilt. I'm left with having no one to turn to because i made it seem like no one was welcomed in my life when i was with him, my attention was with him... Now that his gone.. what the crap did i do -.-" I'm left with no one to listen to me now...

Anyways back to my rant. There was this guy asking me if i was going to the party this coming weekend.. i was like 'No, id rather stay out of troble, since have the people invited, dont like me' , And his like "yeah.... ******* doesn't like you" , And i thought she liked me yeah... but like the way shes been treating me feels like shes used me and such... so i could sense she didnt like me... but since that was his ex, i could kind of sense she was two facing me, like what she did to every other person she talks about to me. The way she talks to me seems so two faced. i felt so dirty when all she ever did was bitch about where i came from and such, i felt as if i was better than her, cos how dare she bitch about how i've changed for the better. Yeah i probably don't have the looks or such, but i have the friends yeah, the friends you wish to go plastic to and such... it's funny because all your friends have a better life than you do, they go uni and they actually have good manners, but some actually need to mind there own business... my friends actually make the effort to cheer me up or some crap even when i don't ask for it... i may seek it but im glad there willing to ask for it... instead of you saying 'Lets bitch' I don't know and the fact I HELPED YOU TRY AND GET OVER YOUR EX BOYFRIEND... i helped you by bringing you somewhere that will take your mind off things, but yeah it got your mind off things... you dissed where i call home you diss what i called a family... You only dissed it because it asked you for money! You swore there, you called it boring, you love embarrassing me infront of everyone.
Why do you like twisting the story around? I know you man i know you pretty damn well that who ever you hate, you would do anything for them to get hated and get a bad rep. Are you happy that that whole school/ grade dislikes me now because of how i look and act? It's like just tell me straight up man. I know i act all weird and childish, but i thought thats how we were? i thought thats how we act? it's like omgsh your more two faced than anyone i could ever possibly think of, i did not want to think so, but hearing so proved me wrong so badly.. I've picked up all the puzzles and joint them together and i was like... what the freak man, why was i complaining how people kiss your feet as you walk, THEN I REALIZED THAT I WAS LIKE THAT.... COS I FORGAVE YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE WRONG TO ME... ><

Alright so then as i was getting more pissy... So i texted my friend... well my so called 'Bestfriend' saying aww your never available for me ectect >< then he explained to me and such that he had to do things for his mum and baby sit and such, then as i told him i was kind of feeling down due to i had no one to rant to he started raging at me... from this moment i felt as if... i had no one to listen to me any more i felt as if i was like the worst person on earth... because no one wants to even listen to me rant no more... i've always thought to my self... am i that boring of a person that no one wants to even talk to me now days? -.-" Cos i even laugh at my own jokes i don't think i'm that boring -.-" LOl anyways cockkay!
His like "Whos fault is that, Lol Told you not to date idiots, i pretty much made all good decisions for you but you never listen. And what happends? you run to me for help? always using me to pick you up. When i have lots more problems than a f**king stupid breakup, get a f**king grip and pull your head out of you f**king ass and move along in life"
It's like what can you say to that... Obviously it's not just about the breakup idiot! It's about not having people to listen to me no more, i felt alone... and besides... the breakup is slowly fading away from me... it's just friendships that i thought were there arnt really.. what i thought was 'a friendship'
I just really want to delete people from my life, people who never really helped me... and just wanted the information... i want to delete those people who i have to think twice to, before telling them whats wrong or whats up... When i say think twice to... i mean... as in like.. asking my self... if they have close enough friends that they will spill my beans to... and bitch about it behind my back rather than tell me straight up and try help me fix it... yeah anyways... it's not just about a boy.. it's about feeling lonely feeling as if i have no one to talk to... so don't think it's all about a boyboyboyboyboy! My whole life doesn't friggen revolve over that one guy! I've moved on once i can do it again.