So single now.

I just don’t think I want to be attached to anyone as of right now. I don’t even know how to explain it, I just don’t want to get my feelings involved to where I allow myself to hurt over someone.

It’s hard to believe someone out there can accept me and also provide the basic wants and needs to make the relationship work. Sometimes when I think about it, I feel as if I’m better off alone. Relationship wise. I don’t think that many people are compatible or suitable to me. I guess because I’ve fixed it in my head of what I want, it hasn’t allowed me to willingly get into a relationship.

I have no problem being single. I don’t hate it, not in the slightest. I just believe that hopeless romantic side of me kicks in, and that’s when I believe my ways of love and affection can spoil someone. I find it wonderful and a best way to start off one’s morning and night with simple gestures of the words “i love you” and “goodnight”. And I want to be that person to someone. The person to start off someone’s morning with a smile and end their night with.
Then, I remember how sometimes I do “too much”. I saw myself in relationships, similar to a mirror image, or more so viewing my relationships from a third perspective; how vulnerable I become. How hard I work for things. How the person I try to avoid comes out full throttle.

I become attached and little things makes me paranoid. Jealousy kicks in. And sometimes it’s better not liking someone for me and even for their benefit. It’s selfish to never allow someone else’s input. But eventually, I don’t want to put anyone in that emotional roller coaster I put myself in.